WARNING: Outbreak of disease wipes out senior class

Senioritis is a very real disease. Affecting the majority of the senior class, it’s a topic worth researching. The disease is more than crippling, turning even the brightest center kids into complete zombies.

So, one might ask, “What is Senioritis?”

Senioritis is a disease that strikes seniors and causes extreme laziness and lack of motivation.

The outbreak started back in the class of 1635 at the Boston Latin School, the first school in the United States. Since then, Senioritis has passed through generations of seniors, now including the class of 2017.

AP Psychology teacher Mark Seidenburg did an evaluation on the disease and concluded that the infestations begin “when juniors are promoted to seniors.”

His answer is disturbing, but true. The disease is truly impossible to escape. Relationships between the sick and their parents become tense and rigid in the nightly fights over doing homework.

“The only time I open my backpack is for occasional dusting,” said senior Morgan Hall.

Homework grades throughout the senior class are drastically lower than any other, and backpacks are lighter than ever.

Besides the obvious lack of motivation for education, there also is a lack of attention to wardrobe. Sweatpants are a weekly ritual for the infected.

As spring time approaches, the disease becomes more severe.  By spring, the majority of seniors know what college they’re going to, or what they’re doing the next year. With high school coming to an end, schoolwork becomes extremely irrelevant.

Although seniors are physically trapped in Godwin, the minds of the sick wander. The only thing that really makes seniors come to school is the glorious senior exam exemption.

Seniors in school will do almost anything to get out of class. In the spring especially, there is an influx of seniors laying in the clinic due to a wide variety of  “illnesses.”

The only found cure for this horrific disease is graduation. Until then, the grades of the seniors will continue to decline. All we can hope for is for the last  semester to fly by, or else it might be too late for the sick to ever be cured.