Are you tired of spending your Valentine’s Day at home, alone with your mom? Do you find yourself eating chocolate all night and crying? Are you giving up on online dating and sketchy sites like Tinder? Is eating noodles “Lady-and-the-Tramp” style with your dog getting old?
Then it’s time to hit me up: Dr. Reagan, Finder of Love.
I have been a relationship expert for 17 years now. After emerging from the womb, the world realized that I had the talent to connect people with their one and only “hunny”. I have set up thousands of people with their soulmates. Recruited by even the most elite of celebrities, I have flown all over the country to bring Love.
Kim Kardashian was one of my favorite clients. She sure did make it a difficult task to find her the perfect match with her rocky history online and ridiculous expectations. I was lucky to find a distressed and lonely rapper, who I knew would be perfect. Of course that would be Kanye. Kim called me a love master and literally a lifesaver.
Recently, I have been contacted by the one and only Taylor Swift to help her find a man. That girl needs all the help she can get after almost half of her songs being about horrific break ups.
Before I come to her rescue, I am so excited to be placed here at Godwin High School to help you find your ultimate bae. Aside from matchmaking services, I am also great with relationship advice and makeovers that will make you look so fab that even the cute guy in the hall notices you. In all stages from single, to talking, to dating, to even married, I can bring the love.
Here at Godwin I see so much potential, and I truly believe if you are lonely I can help connect you with the boo of your dreams.
I can feel the love in the air, and I’m willing to take on even the toughest cases, from awkward freshman to center kids. Take the stress off cuffing season, put it in my hands, and let me find you the one.
Photos courtesy Google Images and Reagan Richmond